When planning an effectively unproductive day, here are a few things to consider:
- It’s never too late to start. Thinking, “but I’ve been productive the whole day! There’s no way I’m going to waste the few hours I have left,” is not a good attitude. You can start wasting your day whenever you want, no excuses!
- Get a head start. The best way to set the tone for your lazy day is in the morning. If you must have an alarm clock, make sure it has an indefinite snooze ability, and that is within reach from your bed. When it rings, hit the snooze button with a growl and try to go back to sleep. Do this until it feels harder to stay in bed that to simply get out of it. If you usually wake up on your own, make sure you delay getting out of bed as much as possible. If you usually enjoy taking a shower in the morning, by all means don’t; a filthy body that feels disgusting is a great way to lower your interest in pursuing anything productive.
- Your first meal is very important. Make sure you eat more than can comfortably fit in your stomach and avoid healthy foods like the plague. A good breakfast would be two bowls of cereals with milk and way too much sugar. Remind yourself that you’re poisoning your body for an extra blow to your self-esteem and to keep the negative snowball rolling. Leave the dishes in the sink, or better yet, on the table.
- So is you first action. Delay setting goals for the day as much as possible. Instead, do something that gives you enough pleasure to keep doing it but ultimately contributes to your ill-being. Zapping when there’s nothing on TV that interests you or playing a video game that you barely tolerate are good examples. Take it easy on the fun, you don’t want to feel happy by mistake!
- Meaningful socialization is good. So either restrain your conversations to gossip and complaining about life or drop them. Especially make sure you don’t come in contact with your more vibrant and cheerful friends, or else they might ruin your day with some of their infectious positivity.
- Have you finished your most important task by midday? No? Good. It is best not to choose any goals for the day anyway, so that even when the urge to work comes, you won’t have a clear list of things you need to do and it is easier to procrastinate. If there is something you must finish that day, though, make sure you start only when you absolutely must (in order to have enough time to finish the task before or around 3 am the next day). The added stress will not only cause your body to feel worse, you also won’t have the mental ability to think positive thoughts because you’ll be so focused on how much you suck and finishing the task. Jackpot!
- Take care of your energy. If you feel your energy levels somewhat down (and if you followed the other steps you should!), but think that you could still make yourself do something useful to humanity with some will-power, try this: Set an alarm for 30 minutes and go to bed. Instead of falling asleep and power-napping, try to be on the brink of sleep for as long as possible. By the end of the 30 minutes, your body will be numb but you won’t have slept a second. When the alarm rings, get out of bed and enjoy feeling like a zombie. It works like a charm.
- Visualize your goals. Make sure you think of them as impossible and of you as underserving of them. Then explain to yourself why you will never achieve them. Now drop the visualizations and apply more degrading ways of thinking about the future, such as worrying.
- Smile only when absolutely necessary. Otherwise be condescending, arrogant and jealous of others.
- You are responsible for how your day goes. But always make sure to blame your lack of productivity on something or someone else. Maybe it was the TV that was luring you with its shows, maybe your mum called you while you were working and her interruption took you out of flow and into lazy-mode, maybe it was the weather – anything goes, as long as you can convince yourself that it wasn’t your fault.
I hope you are now better prepared to make your day extra awful